3. Chaos of a Cosmos
DoHH – Trinity
May 20th 2024
Life looks like a crisis lately,
With a migraine pounding on the inside of my overworked brain,
I catch myself –
I thought life was something last month,
Last week even.
But the last couple of days have been rough,
A crisis?
Healing is messy.
Right now, it looks like a bloodbath,
Of every aspect that holds me together,
Especially the cornerstone of my being;
My spirit.
It is heavy with questions,
Burdened by the truths it cannot escape,
Resisting acceptance, yet knowing:
This is the reality we choose to manifest.
And now it burns –
With a will that my body has yet to catch up to.
My body,
Carrying the weight of it all,
Translating turmoil into pain, into fatigue.
The pain doesn’t bother me;
It reminds me of the crisis,
Pounding to the rhythm of my heart –
A heart patched together by the chaos of the cosmos.
The fatigue, a close confidant,
Forcing rest upon me when I least expect it;
I dozed off for an hour on a public bench today.
When I woke up, I didn’t know where I was,
But I felt brand new.
Fatigue done for the day made way for pain,
The realization set in quick.
I stood up –
My knees buckled from the weight of it all,
Maybe this collapse will help shed some of the extra away.
Here goes my mind again,
Always spinning, trying to reason it out.
What if, just this once, you don’t?
I see the pattern of you –
Always sourcing reason from dysfunction,
Building cities in failed states of consciousness.
As intelligent as you are,
Don’t you see it?
This is how we got here in the first place.
But this is all we have known, you say.
Dysfunction –
The mother of each and every crisis in our right now.
Rooted in our conditioning,
Indoctrinated in hopelessness.
Not entirely, the lame man calls out.
This road we have walked before,
Years of dysfunction,
A handful of months of youth.
All has led me here,
The admittance of a crisis.
Not in denial.
Not in ignorance.
But in admittance.
And before me, a beautiful door.
The sign reads:
“Life looks like a crisis lately;
What are you going to do about it?”
Deborah Nyamu,
DoHH,
2025.
