7. Fight or Flight
DoHH – Reunion
July 16th 2023
Happiness.
A peaceful.
A glad heart.
A safe, sound body.
Then, an urge—
A strong, insistent urge.
It whispers: RUN.
Where to? I wonder.
“Anywhere,” the urge replies.
“Anywhere but here.”
The body freezes.
The heart worries—doubt implants itself, small but stubborn.
The mind scatters.
Fight or flight.
For here, from here, there is—
Joy—will it last?
Love—will it suffocate?
Kindness—what if it fades?
Gentleness—is it fleeting?
Depth—what about the shallows?
Intelligence—could I bear the ignorance?
And then, accountability—
What if I fall short?
The urge settles, but it grows stronger.
RUN! it screams.
To where?
Really?
To the outside of here?
To myself? But she likes it here.
To the trauma? But it built me for here.
To the hurt, pain, and loss? But they opened the doors to here.
To my exes? But they pushed me toward here.
To the loneliness? But it gave me hope for here.
Back to the work? But it healed me for here.
To everything that was.
To everything that is.
It all brought me here.
I have arrived.
I am here.
Flight? I don’t have the adrenaline for it.
Fight? I have a few punches left.
I have a mean right hook.
I am staying put.
I choose to fight.
Against every urge to RUN.
Against every temptation to self-destruct.
Against every call to darkness.
Against every whisper of “what if?”
It may take getting used to.
But here is where I belong.
It will need consistent watering.
A little more faith.
And a whole lot of the journey.
It will get greener.
I know it will.
Here, I will stay.
Here, I belong.
Deborah Nyamu,
DoHH, 2025.
