11. Seductive Dysfunction
DoBH – 20s
March 3rd 2024
The more accessible he gets,
The instinct to withdraw bears roots—
Anxiously attached, like a moth to flame.
The allure of unavailability
Draws me in,
His ring,
A band of commitment,
Calls to me in a whisper of safety—
Safety in another’s embrace,
Of the commitment of another.
His dysfunction,
That illness he carries,
Seduces me in my native language,
The only language I’ve known,
The language of fractured mirrors.
His ego,
A mask of false grandeur,
Beckons to me with an assurance,
The promise—
He wants me,
But will never need me.
The science is clear,
My history’s influence,
An archaeological site of dysfunction,
A distorted view of commitment,
And rundown walls of security.
He stands confident and sure,
A being sculpture in fine clay,
Crafted in the details of gods,
A living, breathing masterpiece.
His eyes,
The gateways to his soul,
Look, search and scan ,
He holds the air in a genuine smile,
His spirit pours into the room.
I anticipate them,
The butterflies in my stomach,
They do not show,
In their place, a gnawing ache;
I frown as he nears,
Blurting out,
“Your teeth are big and white!”
He frowns.
“They’re meant to blind, it is a good things.”
Turns out they are there for a reason,
A system refined for weaving lies,
Threading deceptions into webs,
Another level my heart has yet to explore,
He’s the earthquake testing foundations,
The Nairobi way of character development,
Stories heard—
One try, no return.
Note to self: Avoid big, white teeth.
Deborah Nyamu,
2025,
DoBH
